The Slippery Slope

“There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarrely inexplicable.

“There is another theory which states that this has already happened.”

So quoth the immortal Douglas Adams in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (original radio series, you novel-toutin’ apologists) – but I’m rapidly becoming of the view that if a spry mad-libber were to replace the word ‘universe’ in the preceding paragraph with ‘NSW State Labor Party’, they wouldn’t be far wrong.   

Behold: John Watkins, NSW State Transport Minister, has stated his readiness to use WorkChoices to – wait for it – stop union action. He’s not unaware of the irony. And he doesn’t care.

It’s like the Damnation of Ruddock come to life, only instead of a besuited Nick Slick Minchin pulling the strings, it’s the ghostly hand of Howard, dripping with vile ectoplasm as it emerges from the cooling ashes of an unholy pyre. Morris Iemma has always resembled nothing so much as the failed punchline of a bad joke, but in light of Belinda Neal and John Della-Bosca – not to mention the repulsive Milton Orkopoulos – he’s started looking more and more like a real-world Cornelius Fudge.

I never thought I’d say this. Lordy, how I wish things could be otherwise, but right now, I’m really left with only one alternative. The NSW State Labor party will lose the next election, if there’s any justice in the world. The Liberals will get in.

And from the safety of Melbourne, I will smile.

A Word To The Wise

Speaking as a concerned citizen, there’s a few issues I’d like to raise in light of recent media coverage.

1. Dear journalists: stop appending the word ‘gate’ to any vaguely scandalous story. Watergate brought down President Nixon, and in any case was named after the relevant hotel: calling John Della Bosca’s lunchtime foray into verbal abuse ‘Iguanagate’ is just plain stupid. Media, this isn’t your first offence. CNNNN’s Lunchgate should have got the point across. Remember: you’ve been warned.

2. An armpit fetish molester? Sweet Zombie Jesus, but I’d thought that parliamentarian Trey ‘Chair Sniffer’ Buswell was bad enough. This is taking the concept of olfactory stimuli just a smidge too far, I’d say: Glenn Quagmire is not a rolemodel.

3. Exploding planes are bad.

4. In a bid to maintain the ‘integrity of the academy organisation’, Katherine Heigl has pulled out of the running for an Emmy. Which is, y’know, noble and everything, but since when has integrity had anything to do with television awards? I’m just sayin’.

And, finally:

5. Angelina Jolie wants to go on The Muppets. Don’t we all?

TGIF, people!

Why Iguanas?

There’s been a lot of brou-ha-ha this week about Belinda Neal, the NSW Member for Robinson, and her husband John Della Bosca, the NSW Education Minister, abusing staff at the Iguanas Waterfront bar in Gosford.

Speaking as a former Gosfordian, I believe the most relevant question – more important, even, than whether Ms Neal needs anger management therapy – should be phrased thusly: why the hell were two state ministers eating at Iguanas in the first place?

True, Gosford isn’t exactly known for fine dining, and to the casual observer, Iguanas probably looks like a nice place to chow down, but come evenfall, we’re talking about one of the sleaziest and most disreputable clubs on the Central Coast, which is saying a lot. This is the place where drunken youths wash up at 3AM when everything else is closed, collecting in droves on the steps and variously attempting to beg, bribe or otherwise coerce security into letting them in, usually via the handy aid of friends already inside who can come out and vouch for their upstanding moral character.

Point being, if this is where the NSW ministerial set goes to eat, we’ve got bigger problems than mere abuse of governmental power. Forget verbal tirades – don’t the bastards have any sense of style?