What The..?

Posted: September 19, 2008 in Life/Stuff
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Someone has stolen our tree.

As in, uprooted it. Gone. Utterly. Since this morning.

A whole entire tree.

I do not get this.

When I left for work this morning, there was a slender, dead, but decidedly extant tree in our front garden, which is essentially a metre-wide, less-than-half-a-metre-deep patch of dirt between the fence and the door. It was not a big tree. It was very much deceased, but in a scenic, unthreatening way. Except for our house or the fence, there is nothing it could possibly have fallen on, nor was it heavy enough (being both exanimate and hollow) to damage anything it did fall on. Even had this happened, the tree would – one assumes – still be there. Slanted, perhaps, and decidedly less well-earthed, but nonetheless present.

This is not the case.

Instead, our tree is gone. Given that we returned home circa 1:45 AM after an evening out, this resulted in rather less alarm than might reasonably have been raised at any other time. But, still. There is no sign of the tree near our house or in the street. There is – and I cannot stress this enough – an exceedingly obvious hole where the tree once nestled. And that’s it. Zip. Nada. Nothing. No tree.

I am so weirded out right now.

I mean, suburban tree thieves? Who steals a dead tree with grey, rough bark, two meters tall, that’s thin enough to put both your hands around and have the fingers touch? A dendrophiliac with an anorexia fetish? The landlord, for inscrutable reasons of his own? Did the tree fall down,  only to be removed by a kindly neighbour/Samaritan before we got home? If so, why not leave a note to explain the absence? Are aliens abducting trees? Why our tree? Are there other victims? These are the obvious responses, none of which is especially, well, obvious. Because, seriously: who steals a dead fucking tree?

I’m going to invesitage this.

  1. chaze77 says:

    Hmmm… this is quite the mystery! Is it possible that you have an exceedingly anal neighbor that felt the tree was an eyesore… and took it upon him/herself to remove it? Strange. Seems to me that removing a tree takes a lot of work… and since I tend to be of the lazy sort… I cannot imagine that anyone would actually go so far as to do that. If my eyesore theory really held water, why wouldn’t said anal neighbor complain to you directly and have YOU remove the tree?

    Are there laws against dead tree stealing?

    Definitely strange. I hope you keep us posted as to the outcome of your investigation!

  2. fozmeadows says:

    Lol. I’ve been too lazy to blog the outcome, but basically, it ended up being the landlords – or rather, the *parents* of the landlords, who showed up at 9AM the next morning (while we were both royally hungover), knocked on our door and announced their intention to give us a new tree, which they’d helpfully brought with them. Apparently, said new tree had originally been destined for a different property, but as it didn’t fit there, they thought of us, came straight round and removed the old one without stopping to leave a note, then came back less than 24 hours later with the replacement. Which they installed, quietly and unobtrusively, and which is really very nice – it has flowers on it and everything.

    But I’m still weirded out by the image of our non-tree when we got home. And being hungover when these strangers came with the replacement, the best I, wrapped in my dressing gown, could manage, was, ‘Ohhhhh. Right! That explains it – ‘coz we were *sure* there was a tree here yesterday morning!’

    Reeeeeal classy. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s