Why is it that crazy cultist websites always look like they were made in MS Paint by a self-flagellating epileptic? Is there a bigger visual banner you can wave to announce your lunacy than one involving bright red moving text over a tiled picture background? Does being a conspiracy theorist preclude good taste? Or are they even crazier than we thought?

The first time I encountered the lizardman theory, it was written in bright purple on a blue background, haphazardly left-justified, intererspersed with underlapping photos of crystal caves and put together by a chick called Raven. Coupled with the utter absurdity of the argument, her frenzied layout stayed fixed in memory long after the site had ceased to exist – which perhaps was the point. The above link is equal parts garish and insane, and should not disappoint. (I’d pick a favourite quote, but it’s difficult to choose between Angela Lansbury being a lizard-person, a self-confessed starseed from the Pleiades system, and a warning not to let lizardmen live in your aura.) 

Jack Chick rates a mention, if only because his content is so palpably borrowed from the Land of Screaming Lobotomies. Unless you have a high pain threshold for ignorant religious polemics, I’d keep well clear, as this brand of nuts has a tendency to choke the consumer on their own bile. Note the cluster of videos and busy graphics near the top of the page, followed by columns of miniscule text – plain fare, compared to other examples, but still far from commonsensical.

Giant headshots of the Glorious Leader are another mad staple, as in the Raelian movement. This group believes, to paraphrase bluntly, that God is an alien who parted the Red Sea via space-based laser cannon. (Extra points for combining aspects of orthodox Judaism, intelligent design and Indian mysticism in the one go.) Hutaree, by contrast, features old-school, rapid-scrolling Bible quotes, apparently as a means of inciting people to join the U.S. military in preparation for the End Times. Spooky!

Conspiracy theories surrounding the September 11 attacks on the World Trade Centre are rife. This stunning example boasts a bold visual contrast between black and yellow backgrounds, red borders and almost two full pages of blank white space – classy! Toss in a reference to fake planes and an opening statement of defiance against the propagandising of media cartels, and you’ve got a recipe for obsolescence.

Finally, no list of internet weirdness would be complete without a reference to Atlantean reiki healers. The idea that there was a technologically advanced, spiritually enlightened, crystal-power-source-using society in the ancient Medieterranean is an oldie but a goodie, and one that shows no signs of dying out. Note the DaVinci picture insert at top right, suggesting a subtle Dan Brown influence.

Of course, if you want to read about past-life Atlantis from someone who clearly doesn’t realise that Traci Harding writes fantasy/fiction, there are other avenues of inquiry.

 

Note: This post began life as a comment on Sean Wilson’s blog.

Comments
  1. Raelian says:

    “This group believes, to paraphrase bluntly, that God is an alien who parted the Red Sea via space-based laser cannon.”

    Raelians believe that all life was genetically engineered by the Elohim, rather than believing all life arose out of chance (evolution) or created by some ill defined “God”. People created people, and humans will do the same one day. I suggest a contest. Which group will create life first?

    A. A team of evolutionists throws a single cell organism into a box and waits for it to magically evolve into a person.

    B. The religious people go to church each week and pray to their fake “God”, asking if he/she/it can create a person magically in front of them.

    C. Human scientists create life from scratch.

    I’m putting my money on C🙂 And once it happens (look up Craig Venter and see how close we are), you have to question whether or not we were created by people just like us.

  2. fozmeadows says:

    OK, see, the problem with this? It just pushes the Ultimate Question back a step; it doesn’t actually answer it. Because you still have to wonder where the *first* people came from, no matter if you think they lived on Earth or a small planet somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse. Regardless of whether human beings can or will ever manufacture life, and bearing in mind that I don’t believe in God, I’m going to put my money on the theory that best explains how, in the lifetime of humanity, we’ve managed to breed chihuahuas, sharpei, bulldogs and daschunds from wolves.

  3. Ely Raelian says:

    Who was the *first*?
    To reply fully to the question, “who created the creators (of the creators)?”, it is important to understand the scientific concept of INFINITY in SPACE and INFINITY in TIME. (= the meaning of the Raelian symbol). We are on a blue planet turning around a star called “Sun” with billions of other stars in a galaxy with billions of other galaxies in an “atom” of a INFINITELY LARGE universe. This universe is only an atom of a bigger universe, infinitely.
    And we are made of atoms that are made of INFINITELY SMALL universes. With life on the infinitely small planets and on the infinitely large ones. This is Infinite in Space. Now about Infinite in Time: <> says modern science (chemistry) about matter and energy. <> say thermodynamics or nuclear physicists. <> is a very old teaching.. from sky people.
    Even life on earth was not created from nothing but from a transformation (of matter). This matter (or energy, e=mc2) is really eternal, no beginning, no end. The same for Life globally.

    This scientific Truth was explained by the Elohim to our primitive ancestors but they could not understand properly because of lack of science.

    And the same problem happened with Judaism, Christianity or Islam: people have mixed together 2 different concepts:
    1) Infinity in Space and Time.
    2) The Creators (only humans but with a huge – almost infinite – knowledge, living eternally, etc..)
    People have mixed 1) + 2) together under the unique name “God”.

    Now it becomes easy to understand why it is written in the Koran (Quran): “God begets not, nor was he begotten”. That is true: “INFINITY begets not, nor was he begotten”.

    Where do we come from? From INFINITY (dust). Where are we going? To INFINITY (dust). “We are energy and star dust for ever” (Rael) but not always as humans, most of the time only dust… That is why so many people believe in “reincarnation”. Raelians do not believe in it but in “scientific reincarnation” (cloning with memory transfert). Fiction? Fiction of yesterday is always far below science of tomorrow. Do you want to be eternal?

  4. Ely Raelian says:

    Oops! The (double) quotes disappeared

    says modern science (chemistry) about matter and energy. say thermodynamics or nuclear physicists. is a very old teaching..

    = There is no creation, no destruction but only transformation
    = Nothing appears, nothing disappears but everything transforms
    = Everything is cyclic

  5. Ely Raelian says:

    Oops! The (double) quotes disappeared

    (1) says modern science (chemistry) about matter and energy. (2) say thermodynamics or nuclear physicists. (3) is a very old teaching..

    (1) = There is no creation, no destruction but only transformation
    (1) = Nothing appears, nothing disappears but everything transforms
    (3) = Everything is cyclic

    (this web site doesn’t like things like:

    <
    <<
    <<>>
    >>
    >

  6. fozmeadows says:

    When it comes to the creation of the universe, there are two logical options: either one thing (all matter/the universe) can come from nothing, or one thing (all matter/the universe)has always been. This applies whether you believe in God, the Big Bang or the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

    In either instance, I think observational evidence goes against the idea that complex life can just spring into being, or that it can lack a distinct genesis. If your belief is that there’s just always been people of some kind in the universe, and that they then created other people, your core beliefs are still closer to those of organised religion than science. Potentially, even if the ‘all matter is eternal’ theory works, that doesn’t logically indicate anything more than that atoms and elements have always been; not what states they existed in.

  7. Tristao says:

    I wanted to salute the author of this blog. I fully agree. (I’m french by the way, sorry for my english). I am, as most french people, very much atheist. I dont mind religions, cults and sects, they just dont have any value to me.
    As for the ugly sites they have, I beleive there is some sort of basic rule : you look like your site. If your mind is weird, you site will look weird.

    As for the raelians, I just havent got a clue how they can follow a guy who dresses up like that (and he was born in France ! Didnt he learn anything from the french style ?). I mean seriously. If the raelian guru wanted to convince a large part of the population that he got abducted and came back with loads of alien knowledge, he should at least have brought back from the aliens, a classy costume !
    He looks like he got lost in the early 80’s…

    Change his clothes, give him a hair cut, and then i’ll listen to him.
    NB : I see that english speaking raelians are about as weird as french speaking one (or maybe they are just cloned).

  8. fozmeadows says:

    Tristao, that image is priceless! He looks like the cult leader from James Bond: Licence to Kill.

    Thanks for dropping by!

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